Haiti - Days 2-5 (Finally!)

Well, it has been way too long since my last post about Haiti! I am so sorry! Life just went into full gear when I got home. Plus it took me a while until I started staying up until 2 am again. I literally wrote this in 4 different sessions because I kept falling asleep. So, here is the condensed version for days 2-5 of my trip to Haiti.
 

By Tuesday I felt at home in Haiti. I missed my kids and husband, but I was in love with this place. We had more of an agenda on Tuesday. Jennie, Angela, and I got to meet with some of the classes and teach them about what kids in America do. Jennie went to a school in Lakeland and taught them about Haiti. Then, those children wrote about themselves and gave pictures of themselves, their pets, and/or their families. The Haitian children listened to us share about American culture so intently. Then they wrote and drew about their likes and dislikes. We asked them questions that the kids in Lakeland asked. It was neat to hear how similar the kids are, but how different the cultures are. All the classes were so well behaved. After school we met with the teachers and found out that most of the children do not have books. On top of that, most of them also come to school hungry and are only fed 3 out of the 5 school days while at school. They have so many uphill battles, but try so hard. Of course there are the kids who just don't like school (they are kids.), but it was amazing to see how many obstacles some of these kids overcome just to get an education.

That evening we met a boy, Jean Marc, who goes to secondary school in Port Au Prince. He had met Jon back in December, so he was excited to meet me and to hear how Jon is doing. He makes baskets and sculptures and sells them. His mom came a little while later with some that he had for sale and we were able to buy our souvenirs. It was such a sweet time talking with him and learning about his family. He told me that his mom has 12 kids, but only 9 are still living. She helps him find rocks to carve. And she was all smiles. She just warmed my heart. We went down into the church where a movie was being shown. This was such a luxury for the people in Chaufford. Electricity is a luxury. After the movie, we served food, but ran out - as would be the case every night.



The next two days were super busy. We began passing out gifts to the children in the sponsorship program. We used this as a time to motivate the kids. The ones who were working hard got a little extra while the children who were slacking were given only a few items and reminded that being in the sponsorship program is a perk, not an entitlement. I was so glad that Jennie delivered the tough love because for one, she is amazing at it, and secondly, I would've caved. A lot of the kids do not have parents at home encouraging them to do their work and study. Some of the parents would rather have the extra help on the farm, but a lot just don't have the education themselves to know how to push their child. Jennie was definitely skilled at having the perfect balance of love and discipline. In fact, two of the students who were scolded came and sat with her at the worship service Wednesday evening. I think part of that is their culture though. Some of the parents may not know how to push their kids when it comes to school, but they definitely know how to teach their kids to honor adults. The kids know that part of being loved is to be corrected. I never saw any of the kids talk back or try to get out of being reprimanded. After we passed out the gifts to the sponsored children, we then gave clothes and school supplies to the other students and to adults in the community. It was so sweet being able to give our sweet kids their gifts face to face. Both Julien and Maceline were so precious. They did not have an ounce of entitlement, but were so grateful for anything we gave them. In fact, most of the kids were that way. I absolutely loved my role of giving stuff away.

Thursday afternoon, a few of us went on a short hike to Gary's house (one of the boys from the school). He ran in ahead of us to pick up his room. He then took us on a tour of his tiny, but clean and beautiful house. It had two bedrooms and a dining room, complete with a chicken tied to a chair. The kitchen was outside, which is normal since they have to build a fire to cook on. There were plantains cooking. He then took us a little further up the mountain to show us where his dad and 2 sisters are buried. Literally half of his family has died. He, his mom, and another sister are still living. He had me take a picture of him and his dad, well, his dad's grave. He seemed to be at peace with his loss. He has a step-dad and seemed to care for him a lot. People get sick and die often in this little community. It is so heartbreaking that these children know death so well.

When we went back down the mountain, the boys held onto our arms to make sure we didn't lose our footing going down the steep path. I was so impressed with them. Wednesday and Thursday night both consisted of worship services, passing out dinner, and a dance party, but Thursday blew me away. The church was packed Thursday evening. This was probably because we also passed out dry food to send home. An early dinner was served and then another after the dry food was passed out.


And that is when I experienced my first food mob. We didn't have a system for passing out the food, so everyone just came up to get some. When people got to the food, there was no way for them to get out. Everyone was pushing and squeezing their way to the food. I had to brace myself against the crowd to shelter this one little girl who was trying to eat her food. I told her to just stay in front of me and eat instead of trying to get through the crowd. So many people were not able to eat that 2nd meal, but that did not stop them from staying for the dance party. I think some people stayed all night long. We left around midnight to go to bed, but I heard the music playing until at least 2:30 am and then heard people talking around 4 or 5 am. I love how much they embrace life. They work hard and pray hard and worship hard and party hard and know death and loss too often. They live with such an eternal perspective.

We woke up early Friday morning to head out to Port Au Prince and my heart was so heavy. I had this emotional roller coaster going on inside my heart. I hated leaving but couldn't wait to see my family. Still ahead was the trip down the mountain and our stay in this super nice hotel in the city. It was all so surreal. At the hotel, I just sat there looking over the balcony wondering how this could all be. How could we be in this amazing paradise of a hotel when people are starving to death just outside its walls? How could the people who spend their lives farming and providing food for this country die of diseases that we have cures for in America while there are mansions just down the road? I kept thinking that I just have to have an eternal perspective too. Only in eternity will any of this make any sense. I read the beatitudes: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. This is what's real. This is what my friends who live on a mountain in Haiti experience. They must know these truths. How else would they be filled with so much joy? How else would they be able to keep moving forward? We think that we have so much to offer, but we have just as much to learn. We are blinded here in America. Most of us live in an illusion. We think we are immune from death and hurt, but we are not. The cross should remind us of that. My prayer is that I will hold tight to the truths that I've seen. Truths like I am a part of a much bigger reality that revolves around Christ's mission, not myself. Christ is not limited by poverty, or disease, or death because He has overcome those things. Hurt does not change who Christ is or what He's done, it just points to how much we all desperately need Him.

Haiti - Day 1

This first day felt like a week's worth of experiences and emotions. We woke up at 4 am and headed to the Ft. Lauderdale airport. I actually kept forgetting that we were on our way to Haiti. The morning felt so normal for a trip in America. As our plane approached Haiti, it began to sink in. I was gripped with amazement at the magnificence of the island. Mountains soared up out of the ocean into the clouds. As the plane turned, I could see the glittering of a city nestled into an inlet. The mountains seemed to wrap themselves around this city, almost as if protecting it. But as we came closer, I began to notice a blanket of buildings just stacked up on top of each other covering the base of the mountain. Cars crammed the streets and tents were plopped down in the midst of the chaos of this city. No, this city was not protected. It was filled to the brim with people barely surviving. The drive through the city confirmed this. The streets were lined with vendors who set up little stands right outside the walls of more profitable businesses. They were trying to sell anything from produce to used auto parts to random nick knacks. And there was a smell to the air. It was a mixture of garbage, cooking, and waste. There was no trash system so trash was piled up on the sides of the streets. We would occasionally turn down a street and see locals sweeping the trash to a pile, giving us a glimpse at the work ethics that infiltrated this culture. Animals roamed looking for scraps and so did some of the people if they didn't have anything to sell. As we made our way up the mountain to Chauffard, the towns became smaller and smaller with more farms. We passed farmers farming along the side of the mountains. We passed goats, cows, pigs, and other animals tied up and grazing. We passed rubble from the earthquake. The road got bumpier and scarier as we climbed higher and higher and eventually turned to gravel and rock. We went through clouds and kept climbing. And as we climbed the view got more and more breathtaking.

We arrived in Chaufford around 1:00, just 5 hours after our plane landed. The kids were in school, but I doubt the last hour of their day was very productive. We said quick hellos to some of the adults standing outside and then got settled in the bunkhouse. We were the first group to use the bunkhouse and it was such a blessing. We went back down to the school to observe a little and talk to the teachers. My sweet Maceline (the little girl we've sponsored for a year now) saw me before I saw her. She was sitting there with her eyes so big and a big smile on her face. I got to say a quick hello and give her a quick cuddle. It was perfect. We left and had a meeting to get our bearings. At some point the ladies in the village brought us a pot of noodles with fish in it. My first Haitian meal was exquisite! By the time we were done meeting and eating, the kids had finished school. Some of the kids came back after they changed out of their uniform to play. We got out a football, but they quickly used it to play soccer. We also sang songs and had them teach us some Creole. Julien, our other sponsored child, was there leading the game of football/soccer. He flashed a big smile when he learned that I am "Madame Jon". He is so sweet and respectful and smart. I instantly saw why Jon was drawn to him and wanted to make sure we could help him finish school. We had a worship service that evening. I was blown away at how wholeheartedly the people worshiped. Hands were lifted in praise, voices sang out loud and emotional, and "Amen"s echoed through the building. By the end of the worship service, we were exhausted. We went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I just lay there amazed at all that I had seen this first day. There are so many needs here, but the people are absolutely amazing. The kids are so respectful. They played like kids. They didn't try to act all grown up, nor did they care about their clothes or who had what. They just laughed and played and were so excited to have new friends to meet. And the adults were so hospitable. The men rushed out to help with our bags, the women cooked for us, and they were all so welcoming at church. I am truly humbled by these people. I am now convinced more than ever that our tv's and our facebook and our busyness takes so much away from our lives. Maybe not for everyone, but for our culture at large. I finally fell asleep but part of me didn't want to. I wanted to hold on to the feeling I had forever. I know that when I go back home, the realities of life that are so evident in Haiti will start to fade.

Haiti and Kony and What's Important

I am leaving for Haiti tomorrow. I should be giddy or nervous or something, but I find that I'm more focused than anything. There are still some loose ends and this world just keeps moving. My plan was to have all clothes washed and put away, all dishes washed and put away, all bathrooms scrubbed, all floors cleaned, and everything dusted so the house won't (hopefully) be too gross for my kids and babysitter by Thurs or Fri, but clothes keep getting dirty and so do dishes and I've yet to keep all the toys off the floor, much less mop it. So, we will see how that all goes. Yes, life does not halt for my agenda I suppose. So, I'm just focused on getting done what I can. And there should be some focus on Haiti - like learning the language or fasting or something, but aside from some intentional prayer time, that's not as much of the case as I'd like it to be either. See, my family life is not the only thing that keeps going. The rest of the world does to. There are friends to see and homeschooling to do and news to read. And I'm finding my heart drawn towards the most recent wave of news - Kony.

I saw the video Wednesday afternoon and by Wednesday night, I had come across a blog criticizing Invisible Children. The blog post definitely got me upset, but the comments were just a bit outrageous. And there were a ton of them. American after American explaining why the video had too much of an Indie feel or justifying why we should just stay out of it or how Invisible Children spends money on salaries and transportation costs. Really? There are thousands of children getting abducted and raped and mutilated and turned into drug infested killing machines, and we want to debate traveling costs? Oiy. Yes, it is wise to research an organization before sending them money, but we can still spread the word without it costing a penny. I have a ton more to say about it, but the dirty sheets on my children's beds are beckoning me. So, I would encourage you to read this blog to give you something to think about. And if you haven't seen the Kony video yet, I would encourage you to watch it here and at the very least spread the word. And if you want to justify being a complacent American, I would like you to read this. And if you want to debate whether or not we should get involved, feel free to comment, but know that I will not reply for a week as I will be in Haiti, hopefully loving on our sweet sponsor children and making some new friends. And finally, if you'd like to pray for my trip and my family while I'm gone, please do!!! In the meantime, I will try to keep my focus on what's important - not the dishes and the sheets and the floors, but the people I get to minister to and the kids I get to meet and the lives I have the opportunity to impact. Maybe we should all try to keep our focus on what's important?

What are we made for?

So I realized something about myself. I am on the crazy cycle. I heard a quote once that reminds me of myself. It goes something like: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I'd like to thank my sweet friends who talk me through my anxieties. I realized, I have my anxieties because I fail to embrace the same truth that is constantly getting re-revealed to me. What is that truth? The truth is that the single most important thing is worship. Funny thing is I just read this on someone else's blog a couple of days ago. I read it and thought, "Sounds good, I guess." and then kept reading. See, worship is one of those churchy words that we tend to pass over - or at least I do. It doesn't mean singing like so many churches often elude to. Worship (as defined at Dictionary.com) is "reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred." See, we were made for God. We were made in His likeness and are His creation and are meant to worship Him. Now, it is through that worship that other purposes are revealed, like loving our children and spouse well and serving others and caring for the widows and the orphans and doing unto the least of these. But it all starts with worship. My husband and I were talking about the Lord's Prayer and he mentioned the part that says "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." He was talking about a sermon he heard on the importance of bringing God's kingdom to earth. But then I realized that before that part it says, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name." His name is hallowed, meaning holy or sacred. We need to first acknowledge just how sacred God is before we can be a part of His kingdom coming to earth. So, in the busyness of this season, I can only see and hear God when I stop and worship Him. period. I cannot use God as a means to some end. God himself has to be the end. Now, I'm not saying that I am going to simply pray and sing and meditate all day. No, truly worshiping Him means carrying out the commands God gives us in His word.  We honor God by loving well and by living out the example He set before us, but only when we make it all about God.  When we exalt our actions or our choices or our character, even when they are good, we take the focus off of God. So, when I make my focus my kids or our adoption process, I stop worshiping God and start worshiping my kids and the fact that we are adopting. The song below has been a great reminder that I am made for God. I hope you enjoy it! (If Christian music is not your niche, I'd like to encourage you to go to youtube and read the lyrics below the video.)

The chaos in these moments

Do you ever feel like your head is spinning and you just can't make any decisions? That's where we are at right now. All of the life changes have come to a sudden halt. We aren't planning on staying stopped, like deer in the headlights. At least I'm not. I don't even know what my husband is thinking at this moment. That's how much chaos we are living in right now. We haven't even finished a conversation about all of our life changing decisions that need to be made. Since I haven't written in a while or maybe you are new here, let me catch you up to speed. We decided to adopt. Then we started thinking about sending our oldest son, who we've been homeschooling for three years, to private school. And finally, I am leaving for Haiti in a week. That's all. I think this is going to be where I use my blog as my not so private therapy session. I hope you don't mind. :)

So, let's start with the one that's weighing heaviest on my heart: adoption. I literally feel like I am on this emotional see-saw. We decided to take adoption classes through the state, which would put us on the path to adopt domestically. Most of the children available are older, which means they have either been in the foster care system for a while, had a tragedy occur later in life, or abuse was not reported until they were older. All of these scenarios are heartbreaking. And honestly, we worry a little about how some of these scenarios might play out with our biological children. We know that we cannot go into adoption only thinking of the child we are adopting. That would be naive. I hate even thinking that because they are the ones who have such a great loss, but that is the truth of it all. So we have thought about looking into international adoption. We are not guaranteed to get a child with less baggage if we adopt internationally by any means. The heartbreak behind their stories are equally, well, heartbreaking. They likely have parents killed from AIDS or starvation or from violence, or they were tossed aside like garbage because of some slight imperfection or they were raised in an orphanage with thousands of others and treated like a number rather than a child. No, the baggage here would be just as great, but there is something about the American culture that is a little unsettling for us. Sorry if that's offensive, but we choose to fight the uphill battle against raising our children in this culture. So, we talked and prayed and thought that we should heavily consider international adoption. But then I looked on the website that gives the bios of the kids in our system and fell in love with a handful of them. I sat there crying and praying over these children. And then I read about how girls in America who are in foster care are easy targets for child trafficking and that the average age for a girl to enter into "prostitution", if you can even call it that when they are just kids, is 13. (Yep, I wanna puke just thinking of that.) And then there are the finances. We have been paycheck to paycheck for our whole marriage. And with 3 children and growing it feels irresponsible to choose the more expensive route. But then there are grants and fundraisers and so many options. So all that to say, we are standing here undecided, not making any decisions while our future child(ren) are sitting in some sort of foster home/orphanage somewhere.

Next up: sending my 10 year old to private school. I hate even considering not homeschooling. This is kind of funny for me to say since I always state that we take homeschooling one year at a time. But I've grown to love having all of our children at home. I know that before I know it they will be grown and busy with their own lives and our work in raising them will be done. Plus, it makes me feel free to do other things. Sounds weird, but when I spend all day teaching them and playing with them and feeding them and raising them, I don't have as much guilt going on a date night or sending my oldest off to stay the night with a friend or even going to Haiti for a week. (Ok, the last one is going to be super hard, but I can do it!) And I absolutely love the idea of my oldest helping to teach his younger brothers. I have this picture in my head of us all sitting around learning together under a tree in this education Utopia. And even though it may never look like that, I'm ok with the reality that we can at least all sit under a tree and eat lunch together on a Thursday afternoon. The thing is, my oldest is easily distracted. And my middle son is starting to learn his phonics and basic math and how to write. So, when we are in our homeschool room coloring or playing phonics games, my oldest has a hard time getting his work done. And we are constantly trying different scenarios, but the fact remains that our home is loud and he wants to be where the noise is. But then my oldest gets frustrated very easily with his 4 year old brother and I think that holding onto my image of our education Utopia might be at the expense of my 10 year old having a good relationship with anyone in our family. Plus, he is so smart and I do not think I have the time and energy to push him to reach his potential. Sure, he's learning more than he would in public school, but public school was never our standard. His best has been our standard. So, we visited this school and bit by bit I became more and more at peace with the idea of him going there, but then our finances became uncertain. I prayed and prayed during those talks with and visits to this school. It just seemed like doors were opening for this to happen, and now it does not feel wise with all the financial uncertainties facing us. So I'm wondering, at what point do we step out in faith and at what point do we wait? I don't want to be like the Israelites who went on their own to conquer the Canaanites and got slaughtered. (Am I being dramatic?) Well, basically I don't want to jump into something without it being God's will for our life. I'm all about taking leaps of faith, but only with God. So here we are again, standing still, waiting. There is the verse about Christ being the lamp unto my feet and the light unto my path. We set out on these journeys trusting that God will light our path. But I must say, the moments of waiting to see what direction to go are hard!

Last up: Haiti. Now, there's not much for me to figure out with going to Haiti. I'm going and am super excited and super nervous, but know it will be amazing. Prayers for this trip are very welcomed! There is a small team of us going - just 3 women from Lakeland and a couple of men from a church in Clermont, so please pray that we will accomplish what we need to accomplish. We will be working with the children in our sponsorship program, and the men will be assessing construction needs and taking care of some details from the December trip. Also, please pray for my husband and children and all of their awesome caregivers who are stepping in to help with them while I'm gone. Especially pray for everyone's sanity as my boys are rambunctious!

I am trying in the midst of these anxiety filled moments to just trust. I am trying to remember that I serve a faithful and good God. I do not consciously doubt that, but I have to fight the tendency to take the bull by the horns and make something happen. I've been making things work my whole life, so it is against my instinct to wait and listen for God's voice. I think that's maybe one of the battles with this culture. Our culture says plan, be responsible, plan some more, be productive. But God says follow me, wait for my mana and be content with what I give. I've been reading in the Old Testament about how the Israelites became discontent with the mana God had been faithfully providing while they were in the desert. So God sent meat for them, but it was followed by a plague for all those who ate the meat. I just wonder, am I craving God and therefore content with whatever He gives or do I want something other than God to fill me? I have always had a heart to help others, so adopting now or yesterday feels right. And my kids have always come first, so doing whatever it takes to do whatever is best for them has always been my resolve. But where I am being stretched is to simply follow Christ. Yes, Christ wants us to be his hands and feet. But more than that He wants us to get our strength and direction from Him. He wants to be our everything. There would be no point to the cross if we could pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and make this life work all on our own. So, that's where I'm at. How do I calm my mind and my busy schedule enough to hear God's voice right now? (This is not a rhetorical question!) How do you hear God's voice when life gets crazy and busy and overwhelming? I'd love the pointers!

The Saving to the full, whole life

“When God moves us out of our comfort zone —- into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful —- that even hurt — this is a gift.

We are being given a gift.

These hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing God — in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones.” - Ann Voskamp

I needed that reminder today. It's starting to get to me - the stress and anxiety of this season. Our schedule alone is enough to send us over the edge.  I fought this kind of schedule for years. I used to be a super mom junky. I desperately wanted to be this amazing multi-tasking, on-top-of everything, crafty, cute, super mom. I had a very hard time realizing that I in fact am not that. I failed time and again and made so many broken promises and dropped the ball so many times. Not usually with the important things, but any lack of follow through meant failure to me. So, to be back in this spot of trying to make home cooked meals when we are busy 4 out of the 7 evenings of the week and 5 out of the 7 days of the week and building traditions with my boys and teaching them all that I want to teach them, feels like relapse. I don't want to be in this fast-paced life. I am literally counting down the days until some of these commitments will be over.


 And that very much ripples into the rest of my anxiety. Time. It is really quite cruel. I look at my first baby and he is 10 going on 16. There are far too many moments when he sasses back and isn't always the best role model for his brothers. But then there are the moments when I listen to him and am amazed at how he processes this life and when I watch him and my heart swells with pride at how loving he can be. I don't know where ages 5-10 went. Sure, I remember moments and look back on pictures, but it's not etched into my heart like those early years were. And I can't press pause or rewind to try to catch up on what I've missed. And now, we are very much considering putting him into school. There are so many pros to putting him into the school that we are looking at. The school itself is absolutely amazing. It embraces the same educational philosophy that we use in our homeschooling, but without the distractions that come from 2 little brothers. Plus, we wouldn't spend so much time arguing during the day. But then I think of my life long enemy - time.  I want to have as many moments as I can before the next 5 years fly by. I don't want our days to go from school to homework to sports or errands to dinner to bed. I want to go on field trips and watch him play with his brothers and discuss Patrick Henry and WWI and II. I want to take him to nursing homes and bake with him and fix his lunch and teach him how to clean the dishes and fold his clothes and share with his brothers. I don't want to let go of the time because it has a hold of my babies and is merciless. 


And then we are on the road to adopt. The unknowns are consuming me. How is schooling going to work with a new child and a preK child being homeschooled and a child in private school? How old will our child be? How do we need to change our house? Will we get a girl or boy? Will we get siblings? Will we find someone here or will God lead us to do international adoption? How will all these changes affect all my children? And all of this is stressing me out. I know, it's not like the how do I feed my child or what if I don't survive this car crash kind of stress. I shouldn't complain because in the scheme of things, there are much more stressful situations.  But it's still there getting under my skin, affecting my patience and peace. So daily I have to choose to get consumed in the questions and the decisions and the uncertainties or draw into God so that I can intimately know Him. And really, I need to acknowledge that all these questions really point to one bigger question: Do I trust God? 


I was thinking about all of this and was about to make a mental list about what I should focus on. I first asked myself ,"What are the things of eternity?" I didn't answer the question because my mind immediately went off on a tangent. I then thought that that question is my thing; my catch phrase. It's been this new lens with which to see the world. That led to thinking about how gratitude is Ann Voskamp's thing. She blogs about that all the time. I then started thinking that my catch phrase was more in line with truth. (Please note - this is where I started, not ended. Please also note, I know how incredibly prideful that thought is and am working on that character trait.) My thought process went something like: if you look at what is of eternity and what isn't then you can know what to kind of discard. It's a great coping mechanism for stress plus it points you to the things of Christ. It helps me to "set my mind on things above, not on earthly things." But then I started thinking about how that sounds like some self-help exercise. Or maybe it felt more like it. See, I am perfectly capable of mentally and emotionally categorizing stress. It's always been easy for me to decide to emotionally discard something and move on - with or without God's help. And the result is there are areas where I am just indifferent. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does not help me to intimately know God. My mind then went back to Ann Voskamp's thing: gratitude. I started thinking about how a grateful heart gives joy, not indifference. It gives hope. I went back to her book, One Thousand Gifts, and found this:


"One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him - and he was a Samaritan" (Luke 1:15-16 NIV). Yes, thankfulness, I know. Next verse. "Jesus asked, 'Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?' Then he said to him, 'Rise and go; your faith has made you well.'" (Luke 17:17-19 NIV)
Wait. I trace back. Hadn't Jesus already completely healed him? . . . I slow down and dig. I read Jesus' words in Young's Literal Translation, "And [Jesus] said to him, 'Having risen, be going on, thy faith has saved thee.;" Saved thee? I dig deeper. It's sozo in the Greek. . . Sozo means salvation. It means true wellness, complete wholeness. To live sozo is to live the full life. . . And when did the leper receive sozo - the saving to the full, whole life? When he returned and gave thanks. . . 
I would never experience the fullness of my salvation until I expressed the fullness of my thanks every day, and eucharisteo is elemental to living the saved life. 


I hope I'm not infringing on copyright laws by quoting that much. But do you see it? Yes, I need to "set my mind on things above, not on earthly things." But I need to first filter everything through the lens of thanksgiving. Even the earthly things, the hard things, the unknown things are gifts from God. Time, this life, these experiences, these lessons, all of it is a reflection of God's grace. He graciously created us. He graciously saved sinful humanity time and time again. He graciously worked out a plan to redeem humanity. He graciously created me and you and my children and my future adoptive children. He graciously reveals His glory to all of creation - and he uses you and me to do that. And sometimes that is hard. And sometimes He uses the temporal earthly things to accomplish His purposes. So, when I thank God for it all - the stress, the anxiety, the uncertainties, the heartaches - I am given full life. I am given salvation here on earth that extends into eternity. And that is where I need to set my mind. Time is no match for my God who uses it and manipulates it to heal and to draw His children to Him. So, when I look at these stressful moments through my lens of thanksgiving, then I find that I have a God who is trustworthy. I find that time is irrelevant. I find that all the unknowns still are what they are regardless of my finite knowledge. And that gives a much deeper peace than simply discarding the hard. 


I am behind on my Joy Dare, but here are some things that I am so thankful for:
A weekend filled with soccer and blue skies and sweet boys.
My sweet friend coming home from the hospital. 
Praying children.

A husband and sons who start my Valentine's day off just right.

Time to write again.
An enlightening adoption class

Multitudes on Mondays: Health and Fresh Food

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of decision making and paperwork and busyness. (Cleansing sigh) But that is quite alright. It all started with tons of paperwork for the adoption class. Then came conversations about possibly sending our oldest to private school next year instead of homeschooilng. Then I started obsessing over who we might adopt. I think the paperwork might have triggered some of this, but it might just be my obsessive nature. Some of the dynamics are changing with our current homeschooling. Then there were meals to be made for sick friends and friends with new babies. And this was all capped off with a 5K, which raised $7500 toward completing a community center/school in Haiti! All of those are good in their own way, but just a bit mentally and physically tiring. And all of those could be the topic of their own post, but they won't be today. (Although I may use this blog as a therapy session about the private school decision, which is still weighing very heavy on my heart.)

No, today, I want to tell you about food. This was also part of my mental and physical drain, but also a huge help in energizing me through all of this. I spent several hours (HOURS!) cooking one day last week. This is a big deal because I do not like to cook. I do not like being stuck in the kitchen for a long time. I do not like cleaning up the mess. I do not like that I labor and toil and usually burn and ruin our dish. I made a turkey this past Thanksgiving. I first bought the free range bird at our local health store, which was not cheap. I then thawed it in my fridge for days. I removed the neck and other nastiness from the cavity and then patted it dry. I stuffed it with herbs and veggies and basted it throughout the cooking. And I overcooked it. Yep. It was the driest turkey ever. Thank God for yummy cranberry sauce. But, I do like that I now get a box of organic produce every week. I love that I cook and labor and toil to give my family the best for their bodies and minds. I do like that my children are learning that food's main purpose is not to quench some craving or be some magical explosion of flavor but is to nourish. And I do like, o.k. love, the moments when something does turn out amazing and there is a magical explosion of flavor in every bite. I also love when my 4 year old exclaims, "We are having ______ for dinner! Thanks, mom!" And I love watching my 2 year old shovel down greens and beans and other food that I would have pitched a fit about eating. But even more than all of that, I love that my heavenly father has given me these things.

Have you realized that there is at least one "superfood" in each area of the world? The middle east has olives, South America has acaia berries and quinoa, North America has blueberries and sweet potatoes, Asia has shitake mushrooms and soybeans, and the list goes on. Our God is just amazing. And just think of all the intricacies that go into how our bodies are formed and function from conception on. We grow in our mother's womb without any need to breathe or eat. Our umbilical cord supplies all we need from nutrients to oxygen to waste secretion. And then the instant we are born part of that is blocked off and the lungs start working and breathing. Babies come out knowing how to be fed and new moms know how to feed and it is all so amazing. God is an amazing planner and provider. There is such harmony to His creation.

I am reading Leviticus right now. I am trying to do a "Read the Bible in a Year Plan", but I am currently moving at a snails pace. Instead of the 3-4 chapters that I'm supposed to be reading a day, I am reading 1-2 chapters every day or two or sometimes three. Leviticus is not an easy read. It has to be the most boring book in the bible. But, like my produce, it is good. It is spiritual nourishment. I do find it intriguing how God covered so many details about health. In Leviticus, health deals more with spiritual cleanliness, but it also deals with actual cleanliness. There were instructions about mold and rashes and food. Anything unclean had to get sent outside the city to get burned. They didn't know about bacterial or viral infections back then, but God did. He gave all these instructions about how to offer sacrifices, what animals to eat, how to wash before eating, how to discard mildewed items, etc. He was covering them with His laws.

But now, we do not have to live with those same guidelines. Peter had that vision in Acts 10: 10-16, where God tells him to eat animals that He had forbidden in Leviticus. Peter refuses and God replies, "What God has made clean, do not call common." So, there is something more important than simply bacteria and viruses. It all points to allowing God to provide and protect and lead. I have this theory. I think that when we obsess about food and health (or anything really) it becomes an idol, and that is obviously not good. But, if we utilize the things that God has provided for us, we might have fewer stumbling blocks. Our bodies and minds and even emotions will have the nutrients they need to be more stable so that we are able to focus more on Him without distractions. Health certainly should not be some legalistic thought process, but maybe if we take in what God has provided, then we will be able to live longer, fuller lives. I mean, we never get things quite right. Look at baby formula. We study breast milk and try so hard to come up with a formula that is scientifically equal to breast milk, but we can't. God's knowledge is so vast and so amazing and so sufficient. And I am so grateful for all that He provides me with - even when it requires more time in the kitchen. :)

Ok, here are some of the gifts I've noticed from Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare:
79. Dinner with old and new friends
80. Cooking fresh, healthy food for friends
81. Great conversations about all the many changes
82. Stuart winning 2nd place in his category!
83. My sweet mama friend cherishing her 2nd little bundle of joy - so confident and precious.
84. Friends who take my 10 year old for the afternoon so he can play with peers - even when they must be so tired.
85. Sweet worship time - praising Jesus
86. Encouraging words from and to my new Shalom friend
87. Boys listening, tempers subsiding, birthday celebrated